How Do You Approach a Father who is Seen Teaching His Child an Exercise Incorrectly or Dangerously?Writen by John Izzo
In no specific order, their answers are as follows:
Steve Payne:
Good question. How do you take a potentially volatile situation and turn it into a communication dream? Not an easy thing to do. You must be a student of human tendencies, skilled in observation and interpretation of body language, relationships and voice inflection. Or you can just take a shot. Either way, your approach must be one of timidity, humility and timing; built on certain basic principles of human interaction if you are succeed.
I will suggest two scenarios: The first takes place in the environment where I train. In this particular realm, let's assume that a father is training his son to squat using the so called Smith Rack. This father's own instruction capability may be way over-estimated and he is giving his son poor advice, as well as loading the device with much too heavy a training weight. The kid could blow a knee, back, whatever. What do you do?
The second scenario is a little different; let's assume that I'm out in the field, or at the track. I see a dad having junior do repeated depth jumps from a height equal to the kids waist--around belt level. Oh yeah, the kid's also wearing ankle weights and holding 10 pound dumbbells in each hand. (I wish I was making this up and hadn't witnessed it first-hand)
In each scenario, the potential for unsolicited advice to blow up in your face is huge. Your approach must be tactful and humble, with an immediate solution to the situation. Since I have an established presence at the gym where I do most of my work, I am recognized and given a certain degree of leeway towards advice giving. In other words, most of the folks in the gym at least know my face and are receptive to my approach. At the track, however, it is a different story. I'm just another strikingly handsome face in the crowd. In either case, in order for you to succeed, you must do one thing: first establish a relationship. You must find some sort of common ground, make a friend, allow them to get to know you. You must create some degree of rapport. Every good salesman will concur with this statement. Without rapport you are dead in the water. It is a well known fact, and one that I have preached for many years now: No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care!
By spending a little time getting to know Dad and establishing rapport, you can then ask him, May I make a suggestion on what you and Jr. here are doing? In this way, you give him permission to either say Yes or No, but it has to be his decision for there to be any degree of reception. If Dad says yes, then give it to him. If he says no, walk away. Attempting to pound your viewpoint into Dad may allow you to have a say-so, but it may also have a detrimental effect the child, as Dad's anger is now directed toward him in an attempt to prove you wrong. Not necessarily, but maybe.
Establish rapport, ask permission, wait for the reply. The formula works, it just has to be applied.
Wayne Burwell:
When it comes to family, you don't want a father to lose face in front of his son. In a good relationship, that father may be the boy's hero, and that's why he listens to him. In a bad situation, the child could be being forced to do the exercises. Either way it's a very delicate situation. How I would approach it, especially if they are gross movements that will injure the child?
One way would be to offer a personal training demo. I'm well known in the community for sports conditioning of young athletes. For those who aren't already known, it might be more difficult, but it's really about your approach. I would start with positive comments and praise for the father commenting on the fact that he actually has his son active and working out. In addition, I'd likely work on his ego by pointing out to him that his son looks like a phenomenal athlete, and I would invite them to a session in order for me to give some pointers on strength and conditioning.
Dr. Kwame Brown:
This is a great question, and one I have to deal with at least a couple of times a week here at Oak Marr RECenter. This can definitely be a tricky situation. The first thing that you DON'T want to do is disparage the father in front of the son. What I usually do is offer them more effective alternatives. Just telling them that what they are doing is wrong is non-productive. I also explain to them in simple terms what the consequences can be if the exercises continue to be performed dangerously or improperly.
A lot of times, I may take the father over to the side, depending on the personality type. Sometimes, to get certain fathers to listen, I have to expound on my credentials, and that usually works. However, there will always be those who don't want to listen, like the father in Florida who informed me that he used to be a bodybuilder, he knew what he was doing, and his 11 year old son eeded to get more mass in his lats. More often than not, though, I have come across very appreciative fathers who are grateful that there are people like us out there that care enough to help.
Rick Karboviak:
This is touchy, because most parents tend to believe that they are doing absolutely the right thing for their kids. In the case of seeing a father teach his son an incorrect exercise or potentially dangerous one, I'd have to be a professional about it and question the father. I would ask him if he needed any further assistance in getting a strategy lined up for his son's program. This would be offering help without saying Hey, you're doing it all wrong, let me do it right for you. Maybe this guy is
just shooting from the hip and doing what some other dad has his son doing? This happens in the gym more than you think (Face it, how many guys sit & BS by the water fountain and exchange myths???).
If the dad is clueless, I
just found an opportunity to not only get a client, but save a kid from doing improper things. So, in general, I offer my help in the form of helping this dad out to help benefit his son. If there's a dangerous lift being done, I would take the time to explain the reasons why its not the ideal exercise to do for overall athletic development. If the father is inconsiderate in accepting my help, I will let him pay for his son's medical bills that the kid will accrue from getting injured due to his dad's ignorance.
John Izzo:
I have to admit, I have always been one to walk by ANYONE doing exercises incorrectly and leaving them be. My mantra was let them perish in their own ignorance. And sometimes my mantra still is that....
However, with kids being taught exercises incorrectly has always brought an awkward feeling to me. A side of me knows the father is trying to bond with his child and really making head-way to establishing a disciplined and goal oriented child, so I usually understand that its the dad that needs my help. What I have done in the past is deliberately perform the same exercises in front of the child and father. I have gotten the glances and looks, and soon enough...the questions. Usually, I am approached while the child is at the watrer fountain or locker-room. No problem. This is the opportunity I was looking for to build a rapport with dad.
What I have also done, was bond with the father and trade old Arnold stories. Then I would ask to show a harder version of the exercise--only to to be accepted into their space. Once I have their attention and hopefully, trust, I show them a progression of the exercise they performed incorrectly. Once they are in awe of it's variety...I bring the exercise back to its original prerequisite and begin my lesson. Seems tricky and deceptive...but it works.
Chaney Weiner:
The most important thing in approaching anyone doing an exercise incorrectly is to NOT insult them or come off as being arrogant. You MUST first develop rapport with them or all is lost no matter what good intentions you have. You could start off by saying things like, I see you are teaching your son (the particular exercise) and that is indeed a very valuable exercise. Is he training for (fill in the blank)? Once you get to this point then you can ask the son and/or the father how long he has been training for and how the exercise feels and then say something like, I see you are doing this exercise like(however he is doing it), here is another way I have done it and with great success. Again the important thing is to not insult them and you can even tell them you have done it the way they are currently doing and then you discovered another way and you can even point out your successes with the safer way versus the more dangerous wayNEVER BELITTLE ANYONE.
Rob Pilger:
I see this allot too, particularly in the big commercial gyms. I have approached people,and still do. Like John though, I sometimes just walk by. This is usually because I see the person has an ego. I wait until the father is away from the child. Start to chat, create some rapport. Ask what sport the child is training for. I then say well, I train a few kids in that sport too, and have had much success with the exercise done like this, and if it is obviously a risky exercise for the child I will say or try this one.
I like to approach the parent with the child away a bit, not near by, so the parent doesn't feel offended, or awkward in any way when I suggest different technique. I then say i think it's great that the parent is keeping his child active, and has a active role.
That is as long as it is a safe, and enhancing role.
Taken from the http://www.standAPARTfitness.com Roundtable Discussion